Jason Vs. Katy Perry Novella

My short novel Jason Vs. Katy Perry is now available for sale under the Bunnula Publishing imprint.  This book tells the thrilling tale of the night that Jason Voorhees met Katy Perry and he fingered her.  It also features Kitty Purry!  Please buy a copy and help support my work!!!

Just click the photo below to buy your copy:

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On The Importance Of The Pussy Centipede

Chap, I do not care if you ever listen to The Pussy Centipede, or if you ever purchase one of my crappy kitty porno books.  But it occurred to me this morning that before The Pussy Centipede came along nobody had ever questioned the podcast as an art-form.  It seems as though most fellows were quite content to record interviews with famous mediocrities, speak about a film or book they enjoyed or hated, cry about some sort of political issue, or regurgitate spooky urban legends.

Nobody had ever though to play, to experiment, to use the podcasting form as if it were a box of crayons.  Nobody before I that is!

The importance of The Pussy Centipede is that podcasting has more possibilities, it has the ability to become something greater than what it has been.  Podcasting is a powerful creative tool, much like a crayon.  Nobody ever used a crayon to regurgitate tired Star Wars criticism or attack SJWs.  Or perhaps they have chap?

Regardless, to be a creator is noble, even if you fail.  To be a pop culture whore is not noble.  Do you want to use your imagination to cry about Star Wars or Star Trek or say “Every movie sucks!” or “Every movie is awesome!” or do you want to create something of your own, bring something into the universe that has never existed?

Granted, it’s easy to get people to care about your pop culture prostitution.  It’s easy to sell your imagination much like a whore’s pussy.  So if that’s what you want then go make another Star Wars review show or horror movie fan boy show, go make another true crime podcast and regurgitate stories that have already been regurgitated a million times over.  Sometimes it may be easier to bring absolutely nothing to the table.

Look at Ethan Van Sciver, he was once a great artist, but ask most people today and they only know about his Youtube videos where he cries about Star Wars movies and opines on Brie Larson’s face.

He has become nothing more than a prostitute, a pawn in the giant Disney machine.

Humans are born with a great gift, a gift that cats and puppies do not have, that gift is the imagination.  Why not use it? Why not choose to be a creator and not a regurgitator!

The Pussy Centipede will be going on a brief hiatus, the story of the puppy centipede and Bobby Trendy’s treachery has concluded.  You may hear the newest episode by clicking the photograph below!

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Interview With Horror Blogger And Former FBI Agent Christopher Zisi

Christopher Zisi is a blogger I met on Twitter.  I always enjoy reading his reviews of B movies, and we have pretty similar taste in movies.  I thought it would be cool to interview him.  

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Your biography says you are a paranormal investigator. What sort of paranormal encounters have you had? Do you believe in demons?

In 2011 I became a certified paranormal investigator. This occurred four years before I retired from the FBI. The Bureau was always big on us agents seeking educational opportunities. Many of my fellow agents were earning PH.Ds, mostly on-line, and the government had a program in which they paid for it. Most of these Ph.Ds would be utilized after retirement as many agents have gone on to teach at universities. My partner was getting one such degree. He would try to complete it on-line but often ended up swearing at the computer. Finally he had enough and pulled out of the program.

I remember thinking that someone needed to step up. My partner had dropped out, but I intended to succeed. Now I had to figure out a course of study. He was attempting a Ph.D in something to do with adult education. Not for me…boring! I went on-line and found Flamel College in Sacramento. They offered certifications in a number of fields. I chose Paranormal Investigator, UFO Investigator, and Cryptozoology. The Bureau loved it…though they wouldn’t pay for it.  

I passed with flying colors…yes, I had to take tests. I decided to do a comprehensive investigation of the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia…my workplace. Over the years accidental deaths and suicides had occurred. The results were mixed. Though the results of the investigations could have been interpreted in different ways, there was one investigation that sticks out. We had a mysterious fire in the classroom building. The exact cause is not known. I did several reading at the place the fire started and found some very exaggerated electrical readings. This was strange as there were no electrical sources nearby. No outlets, no coffee makers, no computers, no radios…nothing…just some electrical presence unexplained.

As far as demons…absolutely. If you ever have seen “The Conjuring” and its subsequent sequels, the Warrens give sage advice about demons…don’t engage…very dangerous.

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What is it about horror that makes you love it so much?

First Horror movie I remember seeing: Triple feature at the drive-in with my parents…I was six. “Count Yorga, Vampire,” then “The Abominable Dr. Phibes,” and finally “The She Beast.” Scared me silly. I was in a fetal position on the floor of the car. Took me years to ever watch another horror film, then it was “I Was a Teenage Werewolf.” That was about 1977 on Creature Feature on WLVI TV (Channel 56) in Boston. I loved it.

Why do I love horror so much?  As a nerdy kid, and very insecure, I was awful at sports, music, and everything else. In horror, loners and nerds usually were treated well. They were the ones who first figured out there were monsters. The cool kids (especially in slasher films) would die horribly. Also, perhaps, outcasts could identify with some of the classic monsters,,,the Frankenstein monster, Creature from the Black Lagoon…Dracula…these things were sympathetic figures, especially for a boy who doesn’t fit in. Frankenstein and the creature desperately wanted to fit in and to find love.

I also believe the horror genre, especially the slasher sub-genre, is a perfect outlet for our ids. Freud would say that our subconscious needs an outlet…a part of our brains we keep hidden from everyone and sometimes even ourselves. This is the “id.” We’re nice decent people, but sometimes we want to strike out in anger or perhaps in a violent anti-social manner. We don’t, as our brains give us restraint. Immediate impulses are quelled as reason and sanity win out. Suppressing these subconscious desires can be unhealthy and we need a healthy way to release them. Horror films give us the opportunity. Sure, I may love gory and violent horror, but I’m also aware this provides an outlet. Many don’t have outlets…you meet them in the news reports of church deacons fooling around on their wives or respectable people snapping and committing horrendous acts of perversion and violence. Often these folks are the same ones railing against horror as a genre that will corrupt.  

Who is your favorite horror host?

Favorite horror host: Three come right to mind…Elvira, she matched up fun and horror perfectly. Joe Bob Briggs…he said what a lot of us felt, we wanna see gore, skin, and kills. The third are the folks of MST3K, I still watch all the old episodes on YouTube. Silly and inane, and I dare say, sometimes I actually watch for the movies.

What was it like working for the FBI?

FBI Agent career: For the majority of my career I was assigned to the Baltimore Division of the FBI. There I mostly did drug and organized crime investigations. I was promoted to a Supervisory Special Agent and was transferred to Quantico. There I taught new agent trainees interviewing and interrogation. Then I was assigned to teach police from all around the world interrogation and detection of deception. I was sent to dozens of countries such as Cambodia, Vietnam, Poland, Guyana, Serbia…to name just a few.

What was the scariest thing that ever happened to you as an agent?

Oh gosh…scariest thing I ever done? That is a tough one. I had so much respect and trust with the people I worked with that I never felt in danger, though I was of course. Drug raids and arrests were inherently dangerous, but when doing them, I never felt the danger. I was in The Maldives and a tsunami was heading our way. I was ushered to the top floor of their tallest building. My wife, thousands of miles away was terrified…I thought it was so much fun. What a way to I thought. I’d be a legend…Special Agent Zisi, killed in a tsunami. I figured the FBI would at least name a hallway for me at Quantico. The time came…6:05 pm, and it was a dud…a six inch tsunami. Oh well.

What is your opinion of Katy Perry?

Katy Perry? She needs to develop a third chord, work on a bit more agility in her dance moves, and perhaps take more antihistamine.

What’s the best horror movie you’ve seen recently?

Best horror movie recently? By recently, I figure you mean a film that has come out recently. The best one is 2017’s DEATH HOUSE. Gory, ominous, and deep in theme with a hall of fame cast. Harrison Smith did a fine job and everyone is in it from Barbara Crampton, Kane Hodder, to Camiile Keaton.

What is your opinion of Death Proof?

Death Proof? I love it. Tarrantino and I have similar tastes, though he gets me on talent.  I love 1970s drive-in/exploitation. In fact, I have a novel coming out in 2019 which is extreme exploitation (dare I say sexploitation?)  It is soooo deviant, I may have to come up with a pen name.

If you enjoyed this interview and are interested in Christopher Zisi’s work click here for his blog and click here for his Twitter! 

My Screenwriting Journey #3: Conflict

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For the third part of my screenwriting class we learned about conflict, and our assignment was to take an internal conflict and make it dramatic.  This was what I did for mine:

Single mother Mary’s child is ready for school—but should she send the kid to the public elementary, which might not provide a good enough platform for future success (or might be substandard or even dangerous, if you choose), or to the private school, which is far too expensive for Mary’s income?

Single mother Mary can’t afford tuition for her son’s private school so she is forced to send him to the local school which has been taken over by violent kid gangs.  Her son barely makes it through the first day without being murdered and as she is picking him up from school a local pimp overhears Mary telling her son that she’d do anything to have the money to send him to private school.  The pimp sees that Mary is young and hot and he offers her a deal, he will pay her son’s private school tuition and let her work off the debt by turning tricks for him.  Mary feels that she has no other choice so she takes the pimp’s deal.

Mary ends up becoming the pimp’s best hooker and he gives her all his best clients, this enrages the pimp’s former best girl and she confronts Mary, threatening to slash her face and ruin her good looks if she doesn’t quit being a hooker.  So Mary is caught in a bad position, she can’t break her deal with the pimp, and she likes having her son be safe, so she decides her best option is to murder the other hooker and dispose of her body.  Then her pervy neighbor sees Mary disposing of the body and blackmails her into having sex with him.  Mary confesses everything to the pimp and it turns out he has fallen in love with her.  The pimp agrees to murder her neighbor and get rid of his body but only if Mary agrees to marry him.

Another twist is that Mary’s son turns out to be a violent psycho who ends up skipping school to hang out with the kid gang members at the public school.  This eventually leads Mary and her son on a collision course where Mary is forced to take out the son she became a hooker to save.

 

I think this movie would be called A Pimp’s Deal and I think Katy Perry would be good to play Mary.