The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Is A Live Action Jezebel Article

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When I first heard about The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina, I was so excited.  I loved reading Archie comics as a kid and Sabrina The Teenage Witch was one of my favorite shows growing up.

I’m also one of the world’s biggest Ross Lynch fans, so having him star as Harvey Kinkle was another plus.

I’d heard some rumors that the show was going to be an SJW shitshow but I figured some people were just being sensitive and freaking out over what I assumed were some minor feminist elements, considering the main character is a teenage girl.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The show isn’t all bad, Ross Lynch is awesome as Harvey Kinkle, and the show’s interpretation of Salem the cat is totally badass.  Sabrina’s Aunts are also great characters, and seem like characters from an entertaining show like Gotham.  They give you a glimpse into what this show could have been if the producers hadn’t felt the need to shoehorn identity politics and misandry into the script.

Watching this show feels like reading a hysterical article on Jezebel.com about rape culture and patriarchy.  A major subplot of the first episode is that Sabrina’s friend gets her top pulled up by a group of football players.

Sabrina sees her friend crying by her locker, and when her friend tells her why, Sabrina storms off down the hallway.  I got excited here and was like, “Oh now Sabrina’s gonna go track down the football players and use her witch powers to fuck them up.”

But Sabrina doesn’t confront the football players, she goes to confront the male principal instead.  The principal listens to her story and asks her to name the football players involved so that he can punish them.  Sabrina does not know their names and insists that the principal have the entire football team interogated.

The principal insists that this would be unreasonable and a witch hunt and then, in a dick move, says that Sabrina’s friend should consider transferring to a new school if she doesn’t feel safe.

This encounter leads Sabrina to decide that the only way to deal with the principal and protect her friend is to start a women protecting women group at her high school.  Sabrina then dicusses this incident with her friends, and her one black friend reminds Sabrina that the principal refused to allow her to start a Daughters Of Black Panthers group at the high school.

Wow! What an asshole this principal must be, he refused to allow this girl to create a group that would celebrate the Black Panthers  (a virulently racist and antisemitic organization whose leaders have encouraged violence against whites, Jews and law enforcement officers).

Assuming that the male principal will not approve the formation of a woman’s group, Sabrina uses her magic to have a horde of spiders attack the principal at his home, traumatizing him so that he has to take a day off.  This is because Sabrina knew that the female vice prinicipal would have to fill in for him that day and that she’d be more likely to approve the formation of the woman’s group.

Did the principal really deserve to be attacked by spiders because he was a dick?  Why didn’t the football players who committed the actual crime deserve retaliation?  It’s been a trend in the mainstream media to play the blame game whenever a horrible act is committed.  Somebody commits an act of terrorism and instead of attacking the person who did it, we attack the government or social media or people who voted for the wrong candidate.

It’s sad that writers of The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina decided to make the show a mirror of this bullshit reality.

I can only imagine if Smallville had been a TV show today.  Some teenager would be given exploding powers after being exposed to Kryptonite and use them to blow up the high school.  Instead of directly confronting the kid and using his Superman powers to defeat him, Clark Kent would make a speech saying, “It’s not his fault, I blame the planet Krypton for exploding.  The explosion of Krypton enabled the kryptonite to land on earth, and the Kryptonite enabled exploding teen to have his harmful powers.”

Then Clark Kent would start an anti-Explosion of Krypton group on Facebook and start a petition on Change.org to ban kryptonite from Earth.  I’m pretty sure that in this version of Smallville Lex Luthor would have been trans, and he would have donated a million dollars to Clark’s Gofundme.

I will still watch The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina to support Ross Lynch, because Ross Lynch totally fucking rules!!!

 

 

 

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